Not all favorites were made equal. Hell, no. Favorites generally mean anything other than ‘wow, that’s my favorite tweet’, including—but not limited to—the following:
- I might read this later (but I probably won’t): Yeah, this one’s nothing personal. It’s simply the side of the brain that says, ‘Actually, I WILL read your 1,000 words about social and political ramifications of Malcolm X’s passion for philately. Just not now.’ And probably, if we’re honest, never.
- Your joke is titter-worthy but I’m not ROFL-ing (or RT-ing): The Twitter comedian’s ultimate nightmare. It’s a slightly patronising ‘good work’. It’s a B+. It’s a two-finger KitKat when you wanted a Chunky. Close, but no cigar.
- I want to stroke your hair: If this follows some gentle Twitter flirting and the tweet in question is a selfie, then it’s a conclusive show of fondness. Quite sweet, really. Unless…
- I want to stroke your hair while you sleep: If this favorite is a regular occurrence, with someone faving your pretty much every tweet, be afraid. That favorite quite possibly means the perpetrator wants to stroke your hair WHILE YOU SLEEP, having broken in. And go through your wardrobe, sniffing your clothes.
- I am closing this convo down, already: A favorite some way into a multi-tweet thread might look like agreement, but 9 times out of 10 it actually means, ‘this conversation is over, bozo. I’m looking at cat gifs now’. Take heed. Most people don’t actually go on Twitter for conversation, after all. Hellooo.
- I see your subtweet: Perfect for the paranoid tweeter. This favorite says I see your subtweet, I presume it’s about me and I want you to know. In a perfectly completely passive-aggressive way.